I am "pizzaz"!

I have a bit of ground to cover:

Sorry for my delay, I'm a procrastinator!

My days as of late have consisted of unsuccessful job hunting, being sick in bed all day, and introspection... yeah I think I spelled that right.

First off, job hunting.

I've been seeking and handing out resumes/filling out applications galore! Now it hasn't been completely unsuccessful... on the other hand, I still find myself unemployed.

Day 1 of hunting was interesting, and you know what, better than typing it all I have thrown together a lil' video-documentary of that day.

Here ya go:

After that day, I had a small pity party and then I got sick, woohoo! So I spent the next day in bed... literally, ALL DAY in bed!

It actually helped and I was significantly better the day after.

The funny thing is I actually had a dream about job hunting and how no one wants to hire me. Let me just tell you that real quick so you can understand the full extent of my detailed dream.

We are at an office building, in enters Erin. She goes straight up to the office she is aiming for, because she knows where she's going. She opens the door to the office she is looking for and sees a women in a business suit, shaking a man's hand. "Hi, are you guys hiring?" Erin asks. The woman turns toward Erin and chuckles, "We were as of 5 minutes ago, but now we're not." Disappointed, Erin perseveres, "Okay, well I'd like to give you my resume." The woman scoffs, "Hah, I am pretty confident in my decision!" Erin explains herself, "I understand, but perhaps you'd like to have it for future reference."

"No." The woman interrupts.

Defeated, Erin walks towards the door, but not without getting her last word in! She turns to the woman, "You know what?! That is RIDICULOUS that you won't at least take my resume. All you have to do is take it! Why is it that difficult!?"

The woman just laughs at Erin, not feeling moved. Angrily, Erin bolts out the door, only realizing after that she has exited the wrong door and is in a back staircase. She is sure she will not be going back into that woman's office and decides that she can still take the staircase out, since it leads to a side exit door. 

When Erin finds herself at the bottom of the stairs, she locates the glass exit door and reaches to push it open. Before pushing the door, she sees an ID scanner next to the door frame. She knows that it needs to be scanned upon exiting, but she is not an employee there and has no ID card. Erin decides to take her chances and just open the door, she knows she's never going back there again anyways. Just as she suspected, an alarm goes off when she opens the door. Of course, Erin just decides to head straight for her car and just go. Before she can make it to her car, two security guards apprehend Erin, "We just need to check your bag before you leave." They say. Erin stands off to the side as the guards inspect her bag. As she is waiting, the power goes off in the building and all of the employees evacuate with their briefcases and personal items, it is clear that they are unhappy. Sheepishly, Erin asks the security guards, "Are they evacuating because of what I did?" The security guards are focused on their task, but they answer Erin, "Yes, this is protocol when our doors are breached. Everyone must evacuate and wait outside until the power is restored." Embarrassed, Erin responds, "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't know that would happen." The security guards continue with their work, Erin just steps off to the side and starts telling her story to an employee waiting outside. Before she can finish her story, the security guards return Erin her bag. "Is it okay for me to go now, or do I have to wait for the power to turn back on?" Erin asks. The security guards are now working on restoring the building's power, "You are free to go now." They say. Erin turns toward the employee to finish her story, when another employee (who actually looked like William Fichtner.) This guy:

 leaning against the wall, speaks up, "You can leave now! You've done enough here today!" Erin is speechless and mortified, "I'm sorry, I didn't know!" She runs away toward her car, and we fade to black.

So, that's what I dreamt... It was clear to me that this whole getting a job thing was stressing me out WAY more than it needed to be.

I realized how much I've let my work define me, and that is why getting a good job has been so important to me. I was so focused on myself and all the great things that I had to offer, and I felt angry at the people who weren't appreciating my gusto and pizzaz, and the fact that I was going out and looking for a job. 

"Oh you CARE? We don't want to hire you!" 

It's funny, but that's how I felt. Maybe I still feel that way, but I just need to get off my high horse a little bit.

Work is important, YES.

Getting a job that makes you happy is important, YES.

But letting my work define ME, and who I am? No. Definitely not. As much as I love myself, I need to know that I'm not the best thing that's happened in this town since sliced bread. And that's ok.

A few days went by, I was able to be sick and recover, and the next day I finally got a call. It was for a typing test, to be sure I could type 30 words per minute. 

I took it and I passed. HAHA that test is a whole other story in itself. We'll leave it for a separate post though.

Things are beginning to look up for me, and I'm becoming more and more able to relax and enjoy this very new, very different Oregon living. But also, I'm letting myself become involved in things I never could before. I'm making myself able to reach out to people and share the love of Jesus, that is more powerful than anything. I decided to volunteer as a Younglife leader. I'm really excited about the new things opening up in myself, and I'm letting go and allowing God to work in my heart and make me more like Him. The coolest part is, that this whole mental list I had of "amazing things" I had to offer, fits this leadership position to a T.

The things about me that I want to share, I can share all with these kids, and share it for Jesus. It might not sound as exciting as it feels to me, but this was a huge revelation. All these things I wanted to share for my personal pleasure are going to go so much farther for God's Kingdom. A higher purpose, that's bigger than me.

I share this to let you all know to pray for me. To learn to love better, unconditionally, and share my time with those who need it. 

Happy Monday and have an AWESOME week!